I guess this always happens to me. I mean like every single time. I'm such a fucking spendthrift that the minute I receive money on my payday, I'd blew it all instantly. But not right away. I would of course settle all of my monthly payments (rent, phone bills, unify), give a couple of hundreds to my mom, and finally settle any loans or debt that I have.
Well, that is good, and mandatory. But what I'm actually at awe of myself is because of what happens after that. During the first course of the week after the payday, I'd be spending like fucking crazy.
And what's worse, sometimes, I spend not for necessities such as provisions or clothing (which sometimes, I rarely shop for.), but I would most probably spend a lot by going out to eat at fancy places and expensive eateries. Since I love to eat and I don't mind spending money for this purposes because I don't like depraving myself from the things that I want to eat just because I need to save money.
"Kalau nak makan, makan jer. Jangan sampai kempunan. Tak elok.""Rezeki boleh dicari. Insya'Allah."
That's what my mom and dad taught me. Although they don't actually teach me to be a fucking moron and eat at some fucking expensive diner, but that part of it about eating what you wish is the point here. Eventually, I don't mind going out to eat and satisfy my cravings even if it costly. But what scares me is my bad habit buying things, just for the sake of buying, or wanting it.
It can be either junks or novelty items, but I do gather a lot of those things. Items without functions. And I'm scared of it sometimes. Terrified that I'm consumed by gluttony and greed that I just had to own it. And sometimes, there's this syndrome, which I think some of you out there can call it, 'Pretty Woman-ism'.
For those who had watch this movie before, you can relate the way that Julia Roberts did in this movie. It's that feeling when the store attendant give you that look and you just want to 'shove it' at her face. So, we will end up buying things from the store, just to show that you have money, and that the fucking store attendant can just keep her disgusted look to herself.
And then of course! Of course, the Rebecca Bloom reference. Who doesn't feel that way when we shop? Well, doesn't matter if we all don't agree to each other, but I feel the same. The thrill of knowing that you have cash to spend on anything you want is a powerful feeling. Seriously, I'm not shitting you. But then, this is the reason why I'm scared sometimes. Because of all this bad habit, I'd be burning the pockets of my pants in less than a month, and I'd be left with just a few hundreds left to survive. When initially, I have more to spend to survive, but I'm a stupid bitch who doesn't know how to stop myself from being such a spendthrift.
The perfect picture to show you all and myself, what I am. I'm just like a kid with a wad of cash. Doesn't really know how to use it properly, I ended up throwing it all away like I have no care in the world. *shakes head*. So God, help me now, I'm suffering with just a few cash left to spend, and survive until my next paycheck... which is three more weeks to go!!! Arrrrgghhhh!!!!!
